Too Often or Not Enough - Episode 1

This is a new segment that I am starting that should appear often at The Negative Zone. Here we are going to delve into the bad habits of comic books in regards to stuff that happens too often or not enough. I was going to call this shtick 'Kicking a Dead Horse', but I feared that I might get some traffic from really strange people then. I want to start with something obvious. So let's board the planetary buffet and gorge ourselves on a giant purple bastard with questionable hat choices. The planet devourer himself, Galactus!

So this asshole shows up and is all like "Get in my belly, Earth!", and the Fantastic Four are all like "Go to hell".

Then he comes back and the FF get him to leave again.

Then he comes back and Thor hits his hat with his hammer and he goes away.

Then later Wolverine has to fight him on some other planet and Galactus is like "Fancy meeting you here."

Then he fights Odin way later.

In between each of these visits he shows up a hundred times, and that's probably not much of an exaggeration. In real time that's about once every couple of years.

Now, let's do what I like to call Galactumath.


Now, considering the amount of comic book time that has passed, (The X-Men were in their teens when Galactus was getting smoked by the FF in the 60's and are now only in their mid-to-late twenties 50 years later) it's really only been about a decade of comic time. This means that since his appearance in FF, he has shown up about ten times a year. Also, it should be noted that the grass in the Northern Hemisphere is always green when our heroes have to face him. So those ten times are concentrated into the spring and summer months.

I'm not a manic depressive, but if that was what I had to look forward to every summer, I'd have offed myself after the second year of Galactus arrivals.

Why is Earth not feeling the stress of this phenomenon?

Also. The. Hat.

All that being said, I really enjoyed the last Galactus written by Matt Fraction in The Mighty Thor. Nothin but love, my friend. I want to see a story in which Galactus is bulimic.