This wonderfully original promo for Marvel's mega-event of 2012 uses an uninspired catchphrase that is giving me a weird feeling of deja vu. I believe that I read this same phrase last year in X-Men: Prelude to Schism #1, right before I vomited. Are we going to be treated to five Prelude to Avengers Vs X-Men books in which both teams will be standing around lamenting over an imminent threat? Will there be intriguing and cryptic dialogue such as "It's coming", and "There's nothing we can do to stop it", and "It's already here" only to never actually figure out what "IT" is? That would be spiffy.
Also, the premise of this event is so unexpected! Good guys fighting...other good guys? Why is this happening? Is this some kind of misunderstanding? What a curious turn of events that we've never seen a thousand times. I wonder if this is some nefarious plot that some super-villains from both sides of the rogue's gallery cooked up in order to distract our heroes from another evil plot. I wonder if the villains will secretly try to double-cross each other while the heroes ultimately come together and prevail. That would be so cool and unexpected.
What's more sloppy about this is that the X-Men roster has spilled over onto the Avenger's so much, that I can't tell who is on what team anymore. Ok, so Wolverine is an Avenger, but also has his own X-men. Will we see Wolverine and the X-men fight Avengers? Also, there's Beast who has both team affiliations, and Storm just joined the Avengers, but she is still one of the key members of Cyclops' X-Men. So what? Is she going to quit right after joining. And T'Challa is on the Avengers, but he is married to Storm, so what the hell is that all about? This is all supposed to create intrigue, but it only creates diarrhea. Expensive, drawn-out, unsatisfying diarrhea, that leaves you feeling used and violated. At least after buying these comics I'll have something to wipe with.
But you know what really pisses me off? The promos.
I was just looking through a couple, and now I have to post all of them.
So, here we see our Rajun Cajun squaring off against Spider-Woman. Ok, I guess you gotta fight somebody. Now, I'm one of the few and proud Gambit fans (hence Lebeau2501), but what's he going to do? Spill gumbo in her hair and hit her with his roux paddle (bo staff skills) while she searches Manhatten for a Paul Mitchell boutique? Seriously, and I'm going to use the word seriously in every critique of every one of these promos, what were they thinking? This also tells us that Wolverine's X-men will be involved as well as Cyclops', which makes no sense in this post-Schism universe. I give this pair-up two pink aces down, and one Humberto Ramos up.
So, Thing would not have been my first choice to square against a newly Cyttorak-empowered Colossonaut. Being as Piotre is the X-side's heaviest muscle, I would have paired him with Red Hulk. What happens when an unstoppable force meets a giant red beefcake? Wanton destruction and melee fun, that's what. What happens when that force meets a giant orange rock man? Pebbles. Seriously. So who, pray tell, do we see the Hulk representative take on? Oh, only the most OBVIOUS choice.
Of course! The White Queen! Because why not? Also, shouldn't this Hulk be red? Where is T-Bolt Ross? I thought Green Hulk was off playing with moloids and fighting his psychotic alter-ego. This makes no sense and I see mind-control happening. I seriously think they pulled these pair-ups out of a hat.
This makes sense. The wise-cracking teen hero versus the wise-cracking teen hero. Plus Spidey takes on various elementals all the time in his normal gig. Why don't we get Hydro-Man and Sandman to join the fray so we can have a seriously chilly beach party. On a side note, why is Spider-Man's name hyphenated, and Sandman's isn't? Never could figure that one out.
Aside from both of these guys both having Avengers affiliation, this also kind of makes sense from a powers standpoint. Both are super-strong, and assuming Henry's agility will balance out with Luke's superior invulnerability, this should make for a pretty good match. I could see this turning into a status thing, though. Luke Cage will say something "street" and Hank will quote Shakespeare. Then education and demographics will be brought up and this will end up being a sad demonstration of racial misunderstanding. I seriously have nothing else to say about this.
I see where this is going. I see what you did there. What could be more interesting than Rogue battling her old nemesis Carol Danvers? The same story as we saw in the 80's, only with more of Ms Marvel's ass cheeks. We seriously need Scott Campbell to draw this.
Seriously? Really? How is this even valid? Magneto, the master of magnetism versus Iron Man, the powerless man encased in metal. This is going to get messy. Magneto wins. Fatality.
This is seriously the only match-up that makes any sense. Scott Campbell needs to draw this one, too. I'll settle for Leinil Yu.
So I guess all X-men who have Avengers status will be suspended for this event. It seriously makes sense considering that both of these men are products of the Weapon Plus program, but in the grand scheme of this event, all is silly.
This seriously pisses me off. Not just because I hate that Daredevil is on a team now and it's going to spill over onto an otherwise amazing solo book, but this also gives away that Angel will once again be Archangel. So, not only does it remind me about Mark Waid's amazing portrayal of Daredevil being in jeopardy, it also throws the last 19 amazing issues of X-Force that Rick Remender painstakingly set up in the shitter. This bothers me on a very deep level. Only slightly more than this next one.
Hey, guess what everyone! Thor's alive and well! Spoiled! I guess I can just throw the next few issues of The Mighty Thor in the garbage when they arrive. There are few things that annoy me more than character deaths being treated so absent-mindedly. We know Thor is coming back, and that his fifth or how ever many deaths he's had means nothing to you people, but don't rub our noses in it and ask us to inhale this shit. This event is on my shit list. You're off the hook, Fear Itself.
I think the initial idea for this came out of the mini-fight the Avengers had with the X-Men in Children's Crusade, and after that and seeing the first promo with Scarlet Witch and Hope Summers I was quite interested, mainly because I've missed the Scarlet Witch, can't stand Summers. However, upon seeing these promos and finding out more, I have to agree with you that event does seem rather crap. It's like Marvel have just decided which are the two most popular teams and used the easiest explanation, other than a joint villain, to be 'original', to get the two together. It's so soon after Schism and Regenesis as well, either lay off the events or don't use the X-Men for nearly every one.
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