Because I have to - The Avengers Movie Review

Just so I'm covered, HERE THERE BE SPOILERS.

I'm sure there are one million Avengers reviews you could be reading right now, but you chose mine, so clearly you are someone who is comfortable with compromise. Well, let me tell you about some people that are not willing to compromise: the people responsible for The Avengers.

I had high hopes when I heard that Joss Whedon would be directing The Avengers. I have faith in both his talents and his love for the craft and these characters. If I had a billion dollars, I'd pay him to coordinate an X-Men movie. The trouble that arises when creating a movie based on a team of superheroes is the fact that you have several stars and each competing for screen time. So we end up with the cluster fuck that was the last few X-Men movies. That's how I can tell that The Avengers is really something special. We have four characters that were front and center in there own origin films. Not to mention that Iron Man has had two films to claim screen time. The fact that all of these enormous personalities were each represented in perfect equality makes this film triumph where other ensemble comic-book movies have miserably failed.

Let's do a role call.

The Super Soldier.

I was really surprised by Chris Evans in his first outing as The Cap. I expect Evans to be a goof on-screen. He manages to play the boy scout fairly well. He seems young and naive compared to the rest of the cast, but I think it's natural and it let's his character fit that believe-that-good-can-win role. Cap really pulls his team together and I loved when he was giving orders to the cops of NY and especially when he was giving orders to the rest of his team. "You guys do this. You guys do that. Hulk....smash." A clever way to give Hulk fan service without Hulk actually executing the silly one-liner.

The Demigod

Thor performs his Thorness in a consistent manner as his first movie debut. Very Shakespeare In The Park. I really have nothing to say about Chris Hemsworth other than I pretty much forgot that he is Chris Hemsworth. There is only Thor now. I like him and you should too. I'm glad we got to see a Thor/Hulk fight. I didn't notice that Mjolnir's handle was an inch longer.

The Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist

RDJ is always great as Tony Stark. What I was pleasantly surprised by in this movie, is that he didn't hog the stage. I was sincerely worried that the success and positive reception of Downey Jr. as Tony Stark would lead to him being the lead singer and the rest of the cast serving as backup vocals. The time that he is on screen is all necessary. Thor makes his debut in this movie by nabbing Loki from the Quinjet and Iron Man follows, which leads to a fight between the good guys and the good guys. As comic book readers, we need to accept this as the only way that heroes can meet. Iron Man shows some real heroism by flying into a wormhole with only 1% power carrying a thermonuclear weapon that is about to detonate. Well he dies. Just kidding. Iron Man doesn't die. He just catches a cold. No, maybe a tan. Anyway, well done and good on ya, RDJ.

The Hulk (Inredible at times)

First off, I want to say that this Hulk has body hair. This stands to argue that Red Hulk should have a mustache. Just sayin. The CGI on this Hulk is much more normal looking than the gummi-bear from the first movie and much less 90's than the Incredible incarnation. This Hulk is also big. Really big. He wasn't shiny. He didn't have low-rise jeans. He was an acceptable Hulk. The animators must have studied gorillas for this job, because he moved around like a monkey at times. On to Banner. Mark Ruffalo was a tough sale for me when I heard he was filling in for the guy that filled in for the first Banner. I liked Ruffalo. He was perfectly awkward, and perfectly withdrawn. Tony Stark spends much of the film literally poking fun at Banner while working with him, trying to release the beast. He asks him what his secret was to keep from letting the anger take over, and there's a great scene in which Banner explains it. He says he's always angry. Something about that was simply awesome.

The Assassins

Hawkeye spends half the movie as a badguy enslaved by Loki. I have no qualms with him because I honestly feel nothing for the character. He was fun to watch and he was intriguing as a character. That's about it. Widow surprised me quite a bit. I really hated her in Iron Man 2, but I think she may have been robbed. She was a very important part of this movie and ScarJo didn't disappoint me this time. She manages to outwit Loki, outrun The Hulk, and stop the flow of aliens attacking NY. Not bad for a chick that was pointless in her first movie.

The Agents

Agent Coulson is awesome. He is basically a giddy fanboy fawning over The Cap. I love it. Then he dies. Hey, I gave you a spoiler warning. Until I waited through both after-credit scenes, I was convinced that we were going to find out about how the Coulson that died was really a Life-Model-Decoy, but no. He's dead, and it sucked. But it gets the rest of the team to stop fighting with each other. You will be missed.

Cobie Smulders as Maria Hill is non-existent in this film. I don't know why they even bothered including her. She is completely irrelevant. They did this actress a pretty huge disservice to even cast her in this role, but the parts that she was a part of it, she  managed to be pretty badass. I don't know. She just doesn't get enough screen-time.

Sam Jackson performs his Fury in the same manner as he does in the previous films, except more. We get to see his character compromised and redeemed. We get some good one-liners. We get some funny things that probably weren't in the script, but adlibbed by Jackson. Nothing more to say other than he was his usual self, but for longer this time.

Oh yeah, and Loki. Tom Hiddleston is one of those casting calls for a villain that just wins all-around. He's was a perfect Loki in Thor, and he is a perfect Loki in this film. Self-righteously ambitious, calculating, and maniacally manipulative. Hiddleston sells all of these things and I'm buying them. He does it all with the charm that his comic counterpart imparts, and then some. You want to hate him, but somehow can't. He's like my cat, Angus. Cute and cuddly, but as soon as he wins you over, his eyes dilate and his claws come out, while you're left screaming "WHYYYY?" Loki is an evil cat. I dare say that Hiddleston is up there with the great villains in CBM history. Maybe not a Heath Ledger Joker, but close.

Now the big finish. The first after credits scene features the facilitator of Loki's invasion of Midgard removing his mask. Then he speaks about "courting Death". Yep, that's Thanos. My wife will vouch for me that when this mysterious being first appeared, shrouded in mystery....as mysterious beings tend to be, I whispered to her "It's Thanos". She, of course has no idea what that means. Nevertheless this holds some major reservations I have about the sequel. Thanos and the Infinite Gems is too big for one movie. I usually hate when he shows up in the comics because he is just too powerful and it requires a deus ex machina solution, usually. I was hoping for maybe something more simple. Like, you know, introduce Hank Pym and pym particles. Then Ultron can be the baddie. Thanos is like Kang. Too big for a movie. They're almost too big for a comic. Then again, I've never been a fan of the cosmic-level comics. I'm a more street-level threat kind of guy. So here's looking forward to the street-level comic movies coming out this summer!

Oh, and why does Thanos have two thumbs on each hand? Won't that cause problems when he is trying on his Infinite Gauntlet?

Also, superheroes eating shawarma. Awesome.

I give DISNEY'S The Avengers two enthusiastic infinity gauntlets up.