X-Men #62 - Giant Wolverine

I have nothing to remark about the rest of the comic. I was trying to think of something crappy to blog about and I remembered a bizarre panel from X-Men #62.

Carlos Pachego is by no means a bad artist, and as a fellow illustrator, I admit to a few over-exaggerated, drunken behemoths that I've drawn.

This is why you don't drink and draw.

What the hell is this?

Pachego's debut Wolverine panel for this title hits us like Mel Gibson hits the sauce. Engorged and sloppy.

This gamma-charged, juiced-up, meat golem with furry elbows fails to keep Logan in familiar stature. We close the deal with a lean set of Mick Jagger heroin legs.

I repeat. What the hell is this.

If I were Shang Chi, I would be crapping soft-serve and calling animal control. There's a Canadian werewolf in Hong Kong, despite what it's cheeky belt bling has to say about it.

The rest of Pachego's run on this title was much less muscular, until Marrow shows up and flexes out boney tears from her enormous Morlocke pecs.

I give this panel two bone claws down and one adamantium claw to the skull.

Fail.

FF#1 and #2 - with a splash of Spidey for color

Wow! Three posts in one day! It was a good week for Marvel!

Fantastic Four is another series that, like Thor, is frighteningly outside my X-bubble. Having Spidey on the team makes me a little less agoraphobic about venturing into unfamiliar territory, since I have been an off and on reader of Amazing Spidey. Currently on.

I can say that I honestly have started to understand the purpose of renumbering. It's kind of intimidating for someone like myself who has spent copious amounts of time and money trying to fill in gaps in my X-Men collections. I've finally managed to complete the second volume of X-Men, and dread moving to the Uncanny gaps.

It's difficult to imagine picking up another title that has over 500 issues of back-treading to really understand the current whereabouts. I know enough about the Fantastic Four to understand the grand scheme, but the wonderful part about reading a long-term book like this, is getting those fanfare throwbacks that writers work so hard to connect to the rest of the canon. I don't like missing out on those nods to the past.

That's why it's nice to have a "jumping on" point like this. The covers of the books are striking and I love the new costumes. I also love that Dr. Doom appears in the first story arc.

One gripe is in regards to the new recruit. Hickman writes in Spider-Man well enough, and he doesn't steal the show. This is a Reed/Sue/Ben book as much as it is a Peter book. Actually, when I started this post, I think my gripe was actually with the Amazing Spider-Man issue I read yesterday. (Sorry, I read them one after another)

Okay, so let's switch gears.

Amazing Spider-Man #659 annoyed me for two reasons:

One is that Spidey comes across sounding more like Deadpool talking to himself than himself. I really am not pleased with the dialogue. I get it. He's the jokester character that has to throw sand balls at the Thing if they're on a beach and goofy crap like that. Seriously, though stop acting like a douche. Ben just needs to punch him in the face and say "Button yer lip, webs. Yer not Johnny and ya neva will be."

Quoting The Beastie Boys seems like a Deadpool thing, too.

The second thing that irks me is the zombie pirates. I'm sick of them and they're sick of me. That really sums up how I feel about them.

I will say that Caselli's art is really enjoyable and fun. I also like that Slott writes in flashbacks. It goes back to that not-knowing-most-of-the-FF-canon problem I was talking about. I'm sure that 90% of the reader's of Amazing Spider-Man don't know what happened in Fantastic Four #5 back in the 60's, so it's nice to feel like we're in the know.

I give FF #1 and #2 one and a half orange rock-thumbs up, and I give Amazing #659 one Ad-Rock, one MCA, and one Mike D up and one Decaying Johnny Depp down.

The Mighty Thor #1 - You've been thunderstruck

Now, I don't read Thor. I never have. I hate the thought of starting to read anything outside of my precious X-bubble because I know myself too well and know that if I own one issue, I will need to get at least 300 back issues. I'm really OCD like that.

Luckily, I picked up the little freebie Thor catcher-upper to fill myself in on the major stuff that has happened in the last five decades in regards to the Asgardian and his adventures.

This puts me in a good place to start reading a new ongoing about Thor.

This book...this book really blew me away like a lightning bolt to the scrotum. Fraction is amazing. Coipel's pencils are the utmost incarnation of beauty. It was a gorgeous comic.

Now I know that there will be some people that have things to say and nits to pick about this book and you'll scoff and call me a noob for just flat-out glorifying this comic, and all of you can go fuck yourselves.

Learn to enjoy a comic.

Sorry, had to keep the Negative Zone negative.

Read this book. Buy a variant, even. It's really stunning. Fraction is top of the tiers. Peter David, Grant Morrison, and Matt Fraction 4 LIFE!!!

I give this book sixteen Asgardian-sized boners up, because, fuck.

Uncanny X-Force #8 - Shadow Boxing

I'm having a hard time finding comics to hate these days. I guess on a limited budget I'm likely to only buy comics that I'm excited about. Disappointments can only be found when you have expectations. There's just been a slew of great reads lately.

Case in point. I'm starting to really respect this title.

I have already mentioned artwork in previous posts about UXF, so I don't need to state that I think it's a perfect fit. Characterization is what's mentionable. It's so refreshing to have a team book that happens to have Wolverine on board, yet isn't a Wolverine story. We know everything about Wolverine aside from whatever retcons Marvel may decide to endeavor. Spoilers ahead.

This title is equally Warren and Betsy, as it is equally Fantomex and Weapon Plus, as it is equally Deadpool antics, as it is equally Deathlok. Can I say that I love the idea of Deathlok possibly being a staple on the team? Yes. Yes I can.

This issue is a self-contained story of the Shadow King attempting, yet again, to torment Psylocke. I am not as impressed by Amahl Farouk as I used to be. Here's a thought, Mr. King! Why don't you take a group of X-Men that doesn't contain a powerful psychic? You know, maybe not engaging in astral warfare with one of the most powerful psychics on the planet?

Another thing. Are there any weak psychics? We always hear about these powerful psychics that X-Men either encounter, or recruit. Is there a mutant out there whose psychic prowess consists of getting an itchy nose when someone stares at their ass?

This brings up mutations in general. I understand the evolutionary advantage to recovering from wounds, or having access to parts of the brain that grant telekinetic abilities, but why in the name of En Sabah Nur would the natural world benefit from a person that can fire lasers out of his eyes? How about a being that can phase through walls? Is that going to grant a higher position on any food chains? There are some questionable mutant powers out there. Mutant powers that suspiciously seem to only be useful in a comic book context.

It's food for thought.

Back to the book at hand. There is further development into Betsy's psychic therapy with Warren and literally caging the beast within. Fantomex and Deathlok take a peak at Warren's battle collectibles and debate the wisdom of keeping The World as opposed to just dipping the damned thing into lava. It looks like half a pokeball.

Weapon Infinity! I choose you!

Yeah and the the Shadow King happens, and they win through a cunning, yet somehow predictable plot twist. I wonder if you can come back if you are cleaved in several pieces by an astral metallic wing while in the mind of another person. Oh yeah, spoiler alert. Sorry.

I give this issue the illusion of two severed Fantomex arms up.

Also...when was it established that Fantomex was an illusionist? Did I miss that in New X-Men? Guess I'll have to give that terrible Grant Morrison run another read. Oh darn! *sarcasm*

Amazing Spider-Man #657

I love books that are comprised of three or four different self-contained stories with samplings of different artists. It keeps my A.D.D. in check. Each of the three stories in this issue represent a different member of the Fantastic Now-Less-Than-Four reminiscing about a memory of both Spider-man and their dearly departed Johnny.

Whether it be Thing clobbering a flaming mud dummy, Torch thinking outside the box and outsmarting both Reed and Peter, or Johnny inspiring Sue to make a villain's pants invisible, they're all stories of Human Torch/Spider-man pranking each other in predictably homo-erotic fashion.

I'm not here to talk about the interior, though.

I just loved this cover.

There's just something simple and enchanting about this cover.

I love the negative space.

Maybe it's some kind of metaphor for Johnny sacrificing himself in The Negative Zone.

Maybe the fallen tail of the "4" is a string on the fourth spot on the team and it is reaching down to Spidey telling him that he has to carry the proverbial and literal torch. Pun intended.

Maybe it's a simile for Peter Parker's likeness to his friend and predecessor on the team. That he is like the spark that will light the fire in the hearts of his bereaved teammates and the tail on the "4" is in actuality the remnant of an "A" for his Avengers affiliation, and that's what is actually falling away as he comes to realize that he may belong with FF and not bear the burdens of both teams.

Maybe it means all of these things.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this.

Maybe.

Maybe Parker figured out Wolverine's multiplicity tricks and wanted to try it out for himself by appearing in every title that Marvel publishes.


Wolverine appearances I know of for this month:
Uncanny X-Men
X-Men
New Avengers
Wolverine
X-Force

Spidey appearances I know of this month:
Amazing Spider-man
FF
New Avengers
X-Men
X-Factor

These two lead very busy lives! No wonder Torch jumped ship!