Uncanny X-Men #1

You know, of all the comics I read, I am truly an X-Men fan. I have every issue of X-Men volume 2, and many of Uncanny. I also have collected all of the various other X-titles from the late 80's up until now. I am not pleased by this relaunch.

It's not because I am mad that the first X-Men series is being renumbered for no apparent reason. It's not because I'm mad that it's being reset in aftermath to an event that wasn't even seen on the pages of this particular title. It's not because of any separation anxiety that I am feeling and how depressing Utopia seems now that most of the heart has left the building. It's not even because it looks like Cyclops has an enormous erection on the front cover.

It's because I'm just not feeling inspired by this team. This is a big deal and it's just boring. I like Sinister as a focal villain of the first post-Schism arc. I love what Kieron Gillen has been doing with Uncanny. I love most of the team members. I love that Greg Land isn't "illustrating" this title anymore. It's just, after the fun I had with Wolverine and The X-Men #1, I'm just burnt out on this. I hate to say this, but I'm team Logan. This comic was boring. I had no fun. I don't feel like the dynamic of these team members is being represented in an interesting way. It's almost as if they are too powerful. I know that's kind of the point, but this first issue just felt disjointed.

So, now that the 'school' part of the X-Men is out of Cyclops' hair, he is free to pursue his dream of becoming the premier super-team on the planet. This is clearly a case of penis envy with Captain America and The Avengers. I want to say that I belive that Cyclops' team could take The Avengers. I think Colossonaut would be able to hold off Rulk. Magneto would crush Iron Man. Danger would probably have some type of defensive measure to deal with The Protector, Storm and Namor could take Spider Woman and Ms. Marvel, and Cyclops has the strategic skills and combat skills to go head-to-head with The Cap. Factor in that Scott is probably willing to play dirtier than Steve. I don't know, maybe Spider-Man could save the day in his usual unlikely fashion.

So what do we need to make this book interesting? The inevitable return of, arguably, the X-Men's most dangerous rogue and team him with the tech of a Celestial. right off the bat we have pretty much the most powerful threat they could face. It can only go downhill from here. I'm not blaming Kieron Gillen. He has so much to juggle with Uncanny, not to mention Gen Hope and Journey Into Mystery. All very story-heavy books. I just feel like this is not working. They will sell because it's the flagship X-book, but I'm not very impressed.

Comic Book Day! - My bad

So I added some New 52's to my pull list late tuesday night and they didn't get pulled. Of course they were out of Batman, Nightwing, and Teen Titans. No biggie, I'll just buy them for $20 apiece on ebay. I hate myself. Let's check out some covers for the stuff that I did manage to pick up.

Between TMNT and Ghostbusters, I feel as though my entire childhood is being reimagined, but that happened at Hot Topic years ago. Now let's talk about the comic. I would buy TMNT comics even if it were written by Brian Bendis and drawn by Greg Land, but luckily, we've got TMNT co-creator Kevin Eastman writing this. There's nothing I love more than all-red-bandana TMNT. This is the good stuff.

The story is tweaked in many ways. April O'Neil is a biologist of some shit, and Baxter Stockman is a cool black guy instead of Mort Goldstein. I have to realize that I didn't really give a crap about the continuity when I was a kid, and that's my approach this time around. I don't care, I just want to see the turtles beat up bad guys and eat pizza, while Raphael bitches and acts like a bastard.

I'll keep buying it as long as they make it. I'm loving it.

Journey Into Mystery is on my must-buy list. It has been excellent since the relaunch and is really one of the few Fear Itself tie-ins that matters in my opinion. Kieron Gillen has become one of the writers I most anticipate reading. I was worried when Matt Fraction left Uncanny X-Men and Gillen took over, because I was unfamiliar with his writing, but I really took to it quickly.

I think anyone can read this book.

It's universally appealing.

That is, if you like the fantasy, mythology stuff...and sorcery....and I would recommend liking comics in general. Ok, maybe not everyone would like it, but anyone who likes good comics is missing out if they haven't read this.

The covers awesome, too. Mephisto is such a loveable shmuck.

I skipped a few of these, but I have really liked Generation Hope since it hit it's stride around issue #6. Again, we're reading Gillen, here. I feel that he gives all of the teens a distinct voice of there own. Let's not forget that Gillen is tying into both of the major events happening at either end of the Marvel U. His Uncanny and Journey Into Mystery is tied to Fear Itself, and they both know that they are a part of this event and are relevant. He also write Gen Hope, which is the only book that actually has tied into Schism on the X-Men side of things.

He's one of Marvel's saving graces. that's for damn sure.

Blah, blah, blah...

Filler, filler, filling space until I get to the next spot for an image....blah blah blah

This cover rocks. I love it mightily. I haven't read a single one of these new Daredevil books, and I've read about five DD books ever. I have just been hearing great things about this title and wanted to be included.

I've always been kind of curious about DD. I like the idea of the street-level, simple, ourside-of-the-rest-of-the-Marvel-U book. I'm overwhelmed with events and continuity. I just want to read a comic for the story contained within that comic.

And the cover is awesome.

Luckily for me, Daredevil wouldn't waste his time with those other 'team books' he just does his own thing.

Right?


Wait...what's this? Aw dammit!

Uncanny X-Men 541 and 542 - Yeah, it's porn

It's been awhile since I posted something completely negative, so let's talk about Greg Land.

Uncanny X-Men is an example I use when I'm telling myself that, just like good art boosts a mediocre writer, good writing can, in turn, boost terrible art. The books that we remember have both a good writer and a good artist, right? I think Greg Land does an incredible service to gauge the quality of Kieron Gillen's writing, because I really like these Uncanny books even though it annoys the crap out of me to feel like I'm reading Hustler every time I pick up a book illustrated by Greg Land. Let's have a look at some examples here.

 Now, either Kitty is blowing the Invisible Man, or she has a serious case of lockjaw. This would give any other human being an enormous charlie-horse, but I guess part of having the powers of being intangible means you can just phase jawbones through yout neck meat. This must be useful if you have any large metallic shlongs laying around that need a good slobbing on. Speaking of metallic shlongs, let's take a look at our next specimen.

It's a relief to know that when confronted by an ancient god of destruction, we can count on Colossus to arrive at the best tactic to combat a threat of that magnitude.

Who would have guessed that Cyttorak's only weakness was a swift thrust from behind by a shiny metal Russian?

That face can only be traced from a man that is either balls-deep in Jenna Jameson, or taking the most painful poop of his life...or both, possibly.

Or next entry is just confusing for me. Now imagine you are the mayor of a large city, in your office, wondering what you could do to stop an Asgardian threat from marching on your city and destroying everything and everyone in it. Suddenly, help arrives in a telepathic intrusion from the superheroes that have taken up residence in your fine city. Oh, and one of them is dressed as a cowgirl stripper. What would your initial reaction be?

Yeah...
me too.

What the hell is she doing?

Does she have to pee?

Is there an air vent underneath her and she has to hold her dress to prevent it from blowing upward?

Does she have an erection that she is hiding?

Also, this totally looks like what I would have envisioned the Mayor of San Fransisco to look like.

Now, I wouldn't really care if Land drew Emma as a slutty cowpoke, and drew all of the other women in his books to look like a bunch of whores, but that's not the reality. All of his women look like porn chicks.
Terry Dodson draws good-looking, busty ladies, but his girls look like pinups. When I read a book that Greg Land illustrated, I feel like I need to go to confession. It's crap, and I am sick of him. So here's to the X-Men, the sluttiest teenagers of all!

I give Greg Land two teenagers with double D's, and impossibly large and suggestive mouths down.