Uncanny X-Men 541 and 542 - Yeah, it's porn

It's been awhile since I posted something completely negative, so let's talk about Greg Land.

Uncanny X-Men is an example I use when I'm telling myself that, just like good art boosts a mediocre writer, good writing can, in turn, boost terrible art. The books that we remember have both a good writer and a good artist, right? I think Greg Land does an incredible service to gauge the quality of Kieron Gillen's writing, because I really like these Uncanny books even though it annoys the crap out of me to feel like I'm reading Hustler every time I pick up a book illustrated by Greg Land. Let's have a look at some examples here.

 Now, either Kitty is blowing the Invisible Man, or she has a serious case of lockjaw. This would give any other human being an enormous charlie-horse, but I guess part of having the powers of being intangible means you can just phase jawbones through yout neck meat. This must be useful if you have any large metallic shlongs laying around that need a good slobbing on. Speaking of metallic shlongs, let's take a look at our next specimen.

It's a relief to know that when confronted by an ancient god of destruction, we can count on Colossus to arrive at the best tactic to combat a threat of that magnitude.

Who would have guessed that Cyttorak's only weakness was a swift thrust from behind by a shiny metal Russian?

That face can only be traced from a man that is either balls-deep in Jenna Jameson, or taking the most painful poop of his life...or both, possibly.

Or next entry is just confusing for me. Now imagine you are the mayor of a large city, in your office, wondering what you could do to stop an Asgardian threat from marching on your city and destroying everything and everyone in it. Suddenly, help arrives in a telepathic intrusion from the superheroes that have taken up residence in your fine city. Oh, and one of them is dressed as a cowgirl stripper. What would your initial reaction be?

Yeah...
me too.

What the hell is she doing?

Does she have to pee?

Is there an air vent underneath her and she has to hold her dress to prevent it from blowing upward?

Does she have an erection that she is hiding?

Also, this totally looks like what I would have envisioned the Mayor of San Fransisco to look like.

Now, I wouldn't really care if Land drew Emma as a slutty cowpoke, and drew all of the other women in his books to look like a bunch of whores, but that's not the reality. All of his women look like porn chicks.
Terry Dodson draws good-looking, busty ladies, but his girls look like pinups. When I read a book that Greg Land illustrated, I feel like I need to go to confession. It's crap, and I am sick of him. So here's to the X-Men, the sluttiest teenagers of all!

I give Greg Land two teenagers with double D's, and impossibly large and suggestive mouths down.