More(or less) than meets the eye

What can I say? I'm a late bloomer. I have just now watched Transformers. Let me also say that the only thing I remember about Transformers form my childhood is my 10 pound Optimus Prime figure that was made from real metal and, if dropped in the right manner, could cleanly severe a toe. Ah, the good old days, when a toy was allowed to be dangerous.

Anyway, the movie was ok. The fan service was present and I loved it when the OP nailed the 'more than meets the eye' catchphrase. What I didn't like about this movie is that it seemed so disjointed. It seemed like it was more randomly placed footage mixed in with an over-abundance of extremely hard-to-follow action scenes. There is just so much CG moving at once, that it all looks like Megatron brushing his teeth with a bag of puppies. Pseudo-Fail in my book. I know I will catch hell for this, but I just really couldn't get into it.

A bag of puppies.

What's in YOUR box?

Merry Christmas to all, and to all some yellow spandex tights!

Merry X-Mas, bub!

Cheery wishes and all that jazz. I hope Santa brought you everything on your comic wishlist, and if you don't like comics, I hope you get nothing. Happy holidays, folks!

MvC3: The Fate of Too Much Hype

Marvel VS Capcom 3 is on it's way to our next gens in february this coming year, and it looks as though there will be no more mystery once we have it in our hands. By 'we' I mean, of course, everyone except myself, who has yet to purchase a PS3 or XB360. By 'mystery' I mean, all of the hype and game footage and character reveals up until now have pretty much spoiled all mystery the game has to hold. Yes, there are DLC characters, but we won't be playing through every standard fighter trying to see their exciting hyper combos. We've pretty much seen everything this game has to offer, and none of us have played it yet. I have to get back to work, but let me leave you with an old, but pretty cool trailer.

At about 1:05, the Cap gives us a great cutscene of helicopter blocking mayhem. If the Marvel movies would be this cool, I'd be more excited about them too, but that's another show.

Lethal Legion for the win!

A friend of mine gave me Super Hero Squad for my DS this Christmas. It's cute. This same friend gave me the Marvel Trading Card game for Christmas last year. I played the crap out of that game and still play it between Castlevania marathons. I'd like this to become a theme. Getting Marvel games every year. Please note.

Age of Xtortion

I'm sick of Marvel extorting money from me with hordes of X-books. Today saw a post by Marvel on FB about who should be in the new Age of X. I commented:

     "ugh...I just don't care anymore. How about this, Marvel. Cut back all of your throw-away X-books and put better talent on your flagship titles. Uncanny, Legacy, X-Factor, and you can even keep your precious new X-Men volume 3. Keep all of the talent for X-Factor the same. If you could get Sook back for art, do it. Uncanny gets Fraction and Dodson. Legacy keeps Carey and gets a consistent regular artist. I would like to see Bachalo on Legacy. Gischler and Medina are doing a good job on X-Men, keep them together. I will buy two copies of all these books at your fat $3.99 cover price if you do these things. I'll even buy two Amazing Spider-Mans a month as long as you keep Slott and Ramos on the job. DO IT! MAKE MINE MARVEL!"

Quesada hear our prayer.

Generation Hope #2 - Tetsuo's revenge

So after the events of Second Coming, we are presented with a new generation of mutants that are in the charge of the first generation of X-Men that are too busy to babysit them.

Does this sound familiar? It should.

After the events of The Phalanx Covenant, we are presented with a new generation of mutants that are in the charge of former villain Emma Frost and former X-Man Banshee, who are reluctant to babysit them.

So I'm guessing that Generation Hope is supposed to bring us back to the days of Generation X.

Let me say that I'm really not all that into Hope Summers. I feel she is generic and she fits into her generic team of confused adolescents with their generic powers. There's a blue chick that flies and says "like" alot, a chick with fire and ice powers who likes the pretty lights, a mindless animalistic melee brute guy that humps and pees on things, a speedster that is, well, fast, and a leader that basically can be written to have any power she needs. Oh, and Wolverine is around because he has nothing else going on between his three team affiliations and vacation in hell.

Ok, we have a team book now! Except the last light, who is some insane Japanese kid who watched Akira too many times and has the unfortunate power of turning into a fleshy, cyborgy mass.

I am not feeling this comic. Not feeling it one bit. Generation Hope = Generic and disappointing.

Sal Espin's art is not terrible, and it really is the only pull the book has. I don't know how many issues Marvel has slated for this title, but I'm hedging my bets on Generation Hope and Wolverine Volume 4 for biggest fail this year.

Amazing Spider-Man #650

GA GA OH LA LA
I have officially seen everything. Spider-Man has been rescued from certain flaming-sword death by the vocal talents of Lady Gaga.

I haven't read Amazing Spider-Man in, oh...two decades. Seriously. Just before my hiatus from comics that I took from X-Men #44 to X-Men: Legacy #220, I had a Spider-Man phase. I collected all of the ASM books that Eric Larsen penciled because I got sucked into the Image vortex and became obsessed with Larsen because of the Savage Dragon. If that's all gibberish to you...then I ponder why you are reading my blog.

Long story short, I think Amazing might be the next book I seek to painstakingly fill in the back issues for.

Fast foward to 2010. Amazing Spider-Man #650. I don't know what the book has been like since #350, but reading this book takes me back to the good old days. Dialogue is entertaining. Pacing keeps me turning the page. Spidey is as good a read as it always has been for me.
I was on the fence with Ramos' art when he was penciling for X-Men, but in ASM, it seems more refined. He has a cartoony, almost graffiti style of artwork that compliments a web-head book well. He is on my list of artists that I sometimes call my favorites.

I'll be really annoyed when Ramos moves on from this book and I hope to see no guest artists until that day.

I haven't been in the Spidey universe for a long time, so I don't want to embarrass myself by asking questions about plot points that I've missed over the last 18 years. So if you haven't read Amazing in a long time, it's easy to pick it up and start again. Just do it. C'mon. I'll wait.

Laissez les bons temps rouler

 My wife and I watched the first season of True Blood this week.
***THIS POST IS A SPOILER - YOU'VE BEEN WARNED***

While I know there is a comic adaption of this series, I have not read them and this isn't directly comic related, but I'm going to pick it apart anyway. First, let me explain something about my feelings towards Louisiana.

My wife is Cajun, and a history major, and a religious studies minor, so I've learned alot about Louisiana and things related to the culture and history of the Acadian people. That being said, is always angry to see Cajuns depicted on television. People don't seem to know alot about Cajuns, so when they watch the show Swamp People, they will assume Cajuns are all bayou-treading, back-woods, gator-shootin' rednecks. Disney is guilty too. The newest cell-animated Disney movie depicts a Cajun firefly wit tree teef an' some bayou folk wit ugly yella overalls. Not very well represented, dem. Which leads me to True Blood. People hear the character Rene speak in a strange dialect. He's trying so hard, and Michael Raymond-James even hired a dialect coach to train for his role. We find out near the end of the season that Rene is the killer. My wife interjects "Of course the only Cajun guy is the psychopath". Well, we learn later the the accent is fake and the killer is not really Cajun, so no harm, no foul, right. Still...

Where the hell is Bon Temps?
It looks like southern Louisiana, it sounds like southern Louisiana but these folken just don't seem to know where they live. At one point someone says they goin down to Shreveport. Shreveport is nearly at the northernmost point in LA, so if they goin down to Shreveport, they be in Tennessee, chere. At another point in the season, someone says they plan on going up to the Gulf....so apparently Bon Temps is in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. Also, since it looks and sounds like southern LA, yet all of the people at the cemetery are buried underground...they are buried in water. Cemeteries in the southern part of LA are beautiful because the water table is so high that people don't get buried, they get an above-ground family tomb. So Bill Compton would have a hard time staying out of the hot sun.

Also, I have this thing in which I try to figure out what movies British and Aussie actors study to pick up the American accents they use in shows and movies.
Robert Pattinson is Marlon Brando. "Hey BELLA!!!"
Hugh Jackman is Clint Eastwood. "Do you feel lucky, bub?"
Stephen Moyer is Elvis Presley. "I'm a hunka-burnin' vampire."

The show is entertaining, but some of us have to suspend more disbelief than the rest.

Wolverine is omnipotent

Sometimes, against my better judgment, I choose to think about Wolverine.

I think about all the adventures he has. He really gets around. Let's take a look at the scorecard:

-He is becoming a vampire in X-Men Volume 3.
-He is on quarantine on Utopia with Mutant Flu in Uncanny X-Men.
-He is on the moon, fighting the Four Horsemen and catching the plague.
-He is bouncing around alternate dimensions with the New Avengers
-He is in Hell

That's THIS month alone.

Now, if Jamie Madrox were in every comic, it could be believable, but Wolverine is not the Multiple Man. Why does Madrox get one mere comic? HE should be everywhere! No wonder Wolvie's got so many enemies and ex-girlfriends. You do not want to be Wolverine's bff. He's saving the world behind your back with someone else. I feel a parody coming along...

WWHD? #1

It's time to revisit an old tradition of mine. Sometimes you have have to ask yourself; "What would the Hulk do?" Dare I say "What if...?"

What if I were the Hulk...

Wolverine Vol 4 - These comics can go to hell

So I got a few issues of Wolverine: Weapon X through the X-Triple pack subscription dealio. The series ended after I received three issues, and I was hopeful that the Wolverine title replacing it would be decent, and who doesn't like to receive a first issue of a series in the mail, avoiding the assholes rushing to the comic shop to get all the stupid variants.

So anyway, it's a piece of crap. Well, maybe that's a little harsh.

I can deal with the all-too-familiar, all-too-serious story. I can deal with Guedes' relatively good artwork. I can even deal with the purple Satan. Seriously, folks, the Devil is purple. So, you know, don't worry if you've forgotten to go to confession a few times, because the guy in charge of Hell will be on What Not to Wear by then.

What I can't deal with is...well...I don't know how to feel about this book. It's just dry and flaccid for me.

Wolverine's soul is sent to Hell while a demon occupies his body and plans to murder everyone he loves with his own six claws. The Devil does the torture thing and when the Logan spits in his face and tells him to bring it, he makes his dead fiance shank him until we whines like a little bitch. Satan likes little furry men who squeal, as it were. Meanwhile, Wolvie's new girlfriend is saved from badguys by Mystique. Who is this new chick, anyway? I thought Ol'Canuckle was bonking Domino?

In any case, I just haven't been impressed.

The only redeemer is if by some twist of fate, Nightcrawler shows up in Hell to serve up a Devil-be-good special with some fancy circus-freak moves. The angle of this story is that, even though he's a devout Catholic, Nightcrawler's demonic blood got him sent to Hell when he was killed by Bastion. It's a thought. I actually was hoping that he would show up in Limbo during Second Coming in the Hellbound books. He could have Soulsworded that douche N'Astrith and taken Limbo for himself. He could really clean up Limbo. Throw a fresh coat of paint up. Put in a basketball court for the kids. I just love Nightcrawler so much that I can accept any ridiculous plot-twist that would explain his resurrection.

I give this title two prehensile tails down.

Wagner for the win, meine freunde.

Uncanny #530 - Sorry, I'm team Edward

I was going to critique Uncanny #530, but something came up.

Yes, this is a Twilight post, and yes, I've read the books. Simply needed to know what the big deal was. Plus, I read an article that made reference to similarities to X-Men that Twilight was, apparently, inspired by. I think that was a joke now.

My wife and I just had a hypothetical about hypothermia. As it turns out, if my body was granite and ice-cold, my wife would probably still love me. She would prefer that I were a big furry animal that was constantly running a brain-boiling 108 degrees. Now, it all started with a commercial for the new Kristen Stewart masterpiece, and she had to remind me that she's team Jacob solely because he is warm and fluffy. Now, being the comic book guy that I am, I like the immortality, and invincibility, and overall super-heroness of vampires.

Now, my wife is a wee little thing. Always cold. In fact, we have the heat and the fireplace on, and she's under a heavy blanket at the moment. So asked her if she'd still love me if I was cold and stone-like, but otherwise the same person. 

That's when that probably word happened.

So I guilted her into saying she didn't mean it. BUT STILL.

So, Uncanny #530

Matt Fraction is great, as usual.

Greg Land pisses me off, but less than usual.

Story is finally getting back on track from where it left off before everything was put on hold for Second Coming, which is nice.

Utopia is in pandemic from Sublime's mutant flu, HX-N1(get it?).

That's all.

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Cover your cough people.

Hello my name is Greg, and I'm a glutton for punishment.

I forgot to give myself an introduction.

I'm Greg. I like cooking, eating, drawing, painting, playing Castlevania, reading comics, and complaining about them. I was watching Julie & Julia the other night and I decided that I need a vent for my fumes. Like most bloggers, I feel more creative when I have something to bitch about. I read Marvel comics, so I have a lot to bitch about. I'm a nice guy, but I'm funnier when I'm rude and abrasive. So, in an effort to make your day a little more entertaining, I will forgo all pleasantries and be a prick.

I'm 28 and I live with my wife of 2.5 years and our two cats, Olive and Angus. I'm a cat person. I don't hate dogs. I feel the same way about dogs as old people probably feel about their grandchildren; great for a few minutes, but you can have them back when they need to eat or poop.

I love to cook and I'm one of those annoying Food Network people. I love to eat and sometimes wish I was overweight so I could get more credit for how good I am at eating.

I draw. I've been drawing for 26 of my 28 years. I loath every moment that I'm not drawing, which happens to be most moments since I have severe attention deficits. I feel that when I'm not drawing, I'm getting worse at drawing, I have a few arts up on my Facebook if you want to peek. Don't hate.

You know how you wanted to be something when you were eight, but later in life you have to laugh at your child self for wanting to be that? Well, I wanted to be a comic book artist for Uncanny X-Men when I was eight, and I still do. Why haven't I? I dunno, I'll get back to you on that.

I hate more X-men books than I love. That's because I love X-Men and hate seeing characters misrepresented in their own books. I hate it when continuity is ignored for the sake of sales and I hate poorly drawn artwork because there's just no excuse for it. That's why I complain, in hopes that someone in charge will listen.

So I'll be here, complaining about comics.